Category Archives: Archived Miscellaneous
I received an email from a coworker who has recently started commuting to work on two wheels after some time away from the activity. He gave me a list of the top 10 things he misses about his truck. Being someone who does not keep his opinion to himself, whether good or bad, I replied with the following:
1. Listen to the radio.
What little I know of your political standing, this would only lead to road rage…
2. Intimidating other drivers with my big truck.
Now you know what the other side of this is like, think of the prick in the big truck who cut you off this morning…
3. Eating and drinking while driving.
Yet again, that little bump you felt when reaching for that dropped fry…it was a biker.
Two Rivers Saloon, Hotel and Steakhouse
88841 521st Avenue, Niobrara, NE 68760
GPS coordinates – N 42 º44.999′ W098º01.832′
Hours: Open 7 days/week 10:00 a.m.- midnight, later on weekends. Call if you have questions.
by Kevin Wynn
You’d be perfectly within your rights to ask me what the hell I was doing in Niobrara, Nebraska. I understand completely if you thought I’d lost my mind. There is however, a perfectly reasonable explanation as long as you have fairly liberal definition of “reasonable”.
by Doug Lofgren
A couple weeks ago a customer asked that we tune his Buell for torque. That’s difficult because an engines potential is set by the components and specifications with which it is assembled. You can squander that potential by not getting the ‘tune’ correct (air/fuel ratio and ignition timing) but you can’t get any more without adjusting the parts or specs.
(With a fixed maximum ignition timing (points or non-digital electronic ignition system) the WOT power may be biased toward the torque peak or the power peak but that is typically on the order of a couple percent over a few degrees of timing variation.)
Our own Louis Cypher’s take on what’s hot and what’s not at this year’s Florida Festivities. MMM guys (and gals), no catchy intro, no “Best of Times, Worst of Times” babble, just the latest scoop on the ’02 Daytona scene:
1) In one of the most disturbing trends to develop in years, choppers are making a comeback, and in a big way. Now instead of just annoying the hell out of the public with obnoxiously loud pipes, riders will have some real opportunities to harm themselves as they try to control these poor handling, pathetic braking and unbelievably dangerous contraptions down our streets and highways. A notable demographic of this crowd is the fact that virtually no one over 40 was seen on one–meaning that the baby boomers either all hurt themselves on them 25 years ago and stopped riding, or aren’t stupid enough to ride one of them again. Every time I see one of these clown-mobiles, I make a mental note to someday punch Peter Fonda in the face.
by Doug Lofgren
In spite of the time I spend with motorcycles, I still enjoy the same things about motorcycles that my customers do, the variety of mechanisms that make up the whole and their relationships with each other.
Spending a rainy spring Saturday cleaning and adjusting your bike can be a very satisfying experience. And there are plenty of maintenance items to which a motorcycle will respond. Chain adjustment, properly done, can improve shifting, eliminate clanking noises, and take the lurch out of the drive train. Clutch adjustment can improve shifting and smooth take-offs. Brake lever adjustments, shift lever positioning, brake bleeding, etc.
by Doug Loftgren
Whatever Happened to the Tune-up? The short answer is the concept of never having to do a tune-up has been sold to the public. It’s a marketing scheme. And it works. Look at the Ford commercials for the 100,000-mile tune-up interval. That sells cars. But bikes are not cars. Bikes are very high-performance engines (and always have been) and even though improved quality control has nearly eliminated the kinds of major failures that were quite commonplace with bikes prior to the ’80s, modern sport bikes do respond to the old fashioned tune-up.
MMM has always strived to be a progressive publication. In keeping with that tradition, we submit these poems for your consideration. We hope that they mean the same to you as they did to us. But for your safety and the safety of those around you do not read them out loud in public or at any club meetings. – Ed.
An Obsession with Crotch Rockets
by Kellie Lyn Fournier
Pavement waves. Sparkling youth.
Moments of freedom, given out by my father
Late nights of wind in my hair
Gripping, gripping onto his love
An engine throwing us forward together
His pride beyond material possession
Riding black and maroon metal, gleaming, burning
Wheels holding tightly to my innocence, slamming
It forward with each turn.
In confirmation of the rumor going around that Harley-Davidson is actually in the process of re-engineering the VR1000 for GP racing in 2002, the following press release has been issued:
Pickerington, Ohio - AMA racing officials here today announced a new racing series designed to attract more Harley Davidson fans to GP racing.
Designated “Unlimited USGP”, the series will allow any displacement engine, as long as it makes no more power than a stock Wide-Glide.
“We thought it’d be cool to have some racin’ that the fuggin’ Japs couldn’t, like, win and stuff.” said Clem Shepardson, interim director for H-D racing special projects while his brother Jeb is serving six months for parole violation. “We know our hogs ain’t much in the turns, but maybe it’s time racers found out about enjoyin’ life, you know, kickin’ back. It ain’t all about speed, ya know. Anyway, I got the AMA to add the series when I threatened to sue them for using the word “motorcycle”, which, apparently, our legal department owns.”
And the Top Ten Are…
TOP TEN REASONS HARLEY RIDERS MAY NOT WAVE BACK:
10…Heard that Willie G. said it will invalidate warranty
9…..Leather and studs make it too hard to raise arm
8…..Refuses to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for
7…..Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off
6…..Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos
5…..Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley
4…..Just discovered the fine print in owner’s manual and realized H-D parts are partially supplied by those rice burner manufacturers
3…..Can’t tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else
2…..Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, and impaled his hand on spiked helmet
and the Number One reason Harley riders don’t wave back:
1…..They’re jealous that after spending $30,000, they still don’t own a BMW.
TOP TEN REASONS GOLD WING RIDERS DON’T WAVE BACK
10…Wasn’t sure whether other rider was waving or making an obscene gesture
9…..Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip
8…..Has arthritis and the past 400 miles havemade it difficult to raise arm
7…..Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him
6…..The espresso machine just finished
5…..Was actually asleep when other rider waved
4…..Was in a three-way conference call with stock broker and accessories dealer
3…..Couldn’t find the “auto wave back” button on dashboard
2…..Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, seat temperature and satellite navigation system
and the Number One reason Gold Wing riders don’t wave back:
1…..They couldn’t see through the glare from the chromed dash accents
TOP 10 REASONS BMW RIDERS DON’T WAVE BACK
10…New Aerostich suit too stiff to raise arm.
9…Rider was new owner still trying to figure out how to cancel blinker from previous turn.
8…Too sore from a 800-mile day on a stock seat.
7…In the process of changing CDs on his K1200LT.
6…He’s an Iron Butt rider and you’re not!
5…Cramped up from riding K1200RS for the past hour.
4…He belongs to the “other” owners’ association.
3…Trying to figure out how he’ll make his next payment.
2…Has to hold on with both hands to withstand the surging.
And the number one reason they don’t wave:
1…You’re not riding the “right kind” of BMW.
One of the hardest tasks I have as the editor of this paper is dealing with Crash when he has himself worked into a grand mal seizure over some perceived wrong doing. Usually I can get him calmed down enough to submit something that is relevant to motorcycling. This month I could tell right away upon receiving his phone call, telling me what this month’s column was about, there was no use. So I set the receiver down on the desk and went about my work. What follows is due to my lack of ambition as far as dealing with an outraged lunatic.
by Crash Casey
Every now and then you find out you got a really good screwing at the hands of someone you’ve bought some goods or services from. As shock turns to outrage, you begin an investigation and start comparing figures. You wonder whether other people have gotten the same masterful screwing or if you’ve encountered a lone bandit that has left you feeling violated in the most intimate sense.
I suffered such a humiliation this month and want to share it with you. One of the most satisfying parts of being a writer with a forum is that you can scream long and loud at those that have done you wrong. I’m a business’ worst nightmare when I detect a financial hosing. I’m a pissed off white man with a forum of 20,000 readers. Let me run through this story, hang with me, and I can guarantee that by the time I’m done I can save you thousands of dollars over the course of your lifetime.