AMA sues AMA

by Giles Dunbar

In an unprecedented move the American Motorcycle Association has filed suit against the American Medical Association claiming copyright and trade mark infringement. Referring to the World Wildlife Fund versus the World Wrestling Federation, AMA spokesperson, Anita Sewue said that motorcyclist were finding it difficult to become members of the AMA and that the 8 years of medical internships and $100,000 worth of student loans were too costly to for the average rider. She went on to say that “Many medical professionals thought it was odd that every AMA rally they went to, motorcycles and accessories seemed to be the focus rather than the latest in MRI technology and reconstructive surgery.”

We tracked down the head of AMAA (AMA Members Against AMA) Dr. John “Doc” Deuce who is spearheading the letter writing campaign urging the AMA to go ahead with this lawsuit. Dr. Deuce stated that his 4 years of pre-med and 8 year internship at John’s Hopkins cost him around $120,000 and that every year he gets a letter asking him for membership dues. “I’ve paid my dues, man. But every year, they want more, for what, a pin. $39 for a pin? Dude, that is just not right.”

Even more troubling has been the AMA’s stance on AMA members wearing their colors in the operating theater. Dr. Ivan “Skull” Schadel, a prominent member of BostonUniversity’s Neurology Department and local Mongol “club” member said his post op. has signs all round it stating “NO COLORS”. “F$*# That!” Dr. Schadel stated. “This is America and I have a right to organize, socialize and party, man. It just ain’t f$*#&@ right!”

Concerns over turf have arisen however according to the AMA’s Gang Task Force head Jeffery Palmfranse. “Territory disputes have risen 50% since 1999 with Florida having the highest O.R. incident numbers in the country. You don’t think doctors cut off the wrong limbs by accident, do you? The woman who lost her leg last year was supposed to have a Hell’s Angel Vascular surgeon. When he came in from scrubbing up, her leg was gone and the scare tissue was in the form of Hell’s Satans gang sign.” Mr. Palmfranse continued “She was turned into territory. Plain and simple. Our No Colors policy is a good policy and it will stay.” Incidentally, scalpel stabbings have dropped dramatically, 67%, since the “NO COLORS” signs went up.

When asked whether or not she feels safe at her work place, a local nurse practitioner who asked not to be identified said that she was “afraid” and “concerned for her well being and the well being of her co-workers.” “The parking lot is filled with motorcycles and doctors in leather. You have to watch out for puddles of oil and at noon on Wednesday, when all of the doctors leave for their tee times, it sounds like World war Three has started. All of those straight pipes and ape hangers, saving lives my ass!” What is even worse are some of the tee shirts that the doctors are wearing in the OR. We witness one that stated “Cash, grass, or ass. This surgery ain’t free”

Considering that the American Medical Association was founded in 1847 and the American Motorcycle Association in 1924, this paper does not feel this lawsuit will go very far. But after McDonald’s was sued over hot coffee and the tobacco industry was accused of selling a harmful product, we were not surprised.

April Fools!



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