Entry #20: Doh!

by Harvey Mushmancafelogo

It was only a matter of time before the long arm of Jonny Law reached out and snatched one the many scofflaws on the staff here at M.M.M. So it should come as not great surprise that on one of these fine early spring mornings our resident café racer, Gary Charpentier, was caught riding at what we like to call “an elevated and aggressive pace”.

With head full of caffeine and a pass-due deadline to make, our intrepid hero rocketed down a local interstate hoping his editor would forgive his tardiness. The actual speed is still in question but all parties seem to agree that it was at or near the magical 100 mph mark. Local law enforcement officials were also dismayed by what appeared to be Gary’s attempt to evade their capture, though we are assured by experts that it takes several miles to slow a large piece of vintage Japanese iron when traveling at high rate of speed. Upon being questioned by the officer Gary was heard to say, “We just want to be free to ride our machines without being hassled by the Man.”

The result of all of this is that Gary is now interned at one of the fine county jails in the metro area. The exact location of his incarceration is a closely held secret since us moto-journalist types often have contacts within the numerous outlaw biker gangs that plague our fine state. They would certainly stop at nothing to free one of their fellow rebels against society from the clutches of the “Man”. Without hesitation Gary wasted his one phone call trying to reach the staff offices of M.M.M., but alas we were all out conning manufacturer reps out of any free goodies we could get our hands on–promising lengthy favorable reviews. So the call went unanswered. We discovered his message quite by accident; while the cleaning lady was dusting around the phone she accidentally knocked it from it’s cradle. To all of our amazement there was the sultry voice of US West proclaiming that we had one message.cafe34

Well to make a long story short we had been using the M.M.M. bail money fund for cigarettes and White Castle runs and were down to $3.21. But after a grueling planning session hosted by a local tavern we decided to form the “Café Racer Legal Defense Fund”. We don’t care where the money comes from. It can be funneled to us from the Chinese Communists or be laundered by the mob, we don’t care. So send your donations of cash, jewelry, and recyclables to M.M.M. Bail Fund. For the future of a café racer and for the children.


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