In confirmation of the rumor going around that Harley-Davidson is actually in the process of re-engineering the VR1000 for GP racing in 2002, the following press release has been issued:

Pickerington, Ohio – AMA racing officials here today announced a new racing series designed to attract more Harley Davidson fans to GP racing.

Designated “Unlimited USGP”, the series will allow any displacement engine, as long as it makes no more power than a stock Wide-Glide.

“We thought it’d be cool to have some racin’ that the fuggin’ Japs couldn’t, like, win and stuff.” said Clem Shepardson, interim director for H-D racing special projects while his brother Jeb is serving six months for parole violation. “We know our hogs ain’t much in the turns, but maybe it’s time racers found out about enjoyin’ life, you know, kickin’ back. It ain’t all about speed, ya know. Anyway, I got the AMA to add the series when I threatened to sue them for using the word “motorcycle”, which, apparently, our legal department owns.”

When asked if this race series would be yet another example of how Harley-Davidson uses it’s power in the marketplace to monopolize racing with predictable, uninteresting dog and pony shows, Shepardson responded, “maybe you want your ass kicked, huh, ya little friggin’ fairy?”

Already, racing teams have responded with exciting designs. Centerville Harley-Davidson is fielding an almost stock machine, save for the addition of bicycle cards in the spoked front wheels and the factory H-D race kit, which consists of number plates and carbon-fiber conchos. “We already got a guy to ride it. Ed from parts says he can make it for the second part of the first race, as long as we can trailer it the first half. He says motorcycles aggravate his shingles. Nobody else here really knows how to ride motorcycles, since we never have actually seen one on the sales floor. That leaves Ed as our only hope, especially as Miguel Duhamel won’t return our calls and Scott Russell said “he could never get drunk enough to race a Harley again.”

Racing fans are similarly excited. Mark Jones, of Spokane Washington said he was “thrilled” at the prospect of a new series, until he realized that it wasn’t NASCAR. “They race motorcycles? Isn’t that dangerous? Why would anybody want to watch that?” he asked.

The AMA racing department was closed for Australia Day, and could not be reached for comment.


Ed. Note – To all of you who may have been offended by the proceeding piece, please bear in mind that Mr. Cypher recently quit smoking. Despite liberal use of the “patch” his mood is as bitter as an Irish beer. He continues in this state to lash out at anyone and everything. He even went so far as to refer to MMM as, “A fine substitute during Russia’s toilet paper shortage.” We make no apologies for him, just a little warning…

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