“Barb Wire”video46
directed by David Hogan
Polygram Entertainment, 1996
109 minutes

by Tammy (Vrieze) Wanchena

Are you a 32-year old man still living in your parent’s basement? Do you wear heavy metal T-shirts and combat boots? Do you think Skid Row rocks? Well, have I got a movie for you!

Pamela Lee Anderson and her collagen cleavage is a leather-clad mercenary in the year 2017 in this month’s bane of my existence, Barb Wire.

The Congressional Dictorate is after Dr. Devonshire, one of the nerdy chicks from the 80ís sitcom, “Head of the Class.” She has escaped to Steel Harbor, the States only remaining free city in search of retinal lenses. Barb Wire is not only a night club owner, she’s a stripper, a prostitute and a bounty hunter.

I’m having one hell of a time coming up with enough words to fill my column. The plot does not matter. The other characters in the film do not matter. The sole intent of this film was to sell Pamela Lee Anderson in skimpy black leather in a variety of sexy poses, riding a motorcycle, getting hosed down while swinging on a swing, teasing a large number of men and kicking ass. Whatever you do, don’t call her “Babe!”

I was happy to see one of my favorite worst actors, Udo Kier [Blood for Dracula, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Blade] in the film. I love that crazy German freak!

Barb Wire is made almost bearable by the bit players. Look closely and you’ll see Andre Rosey Brown [Forget Paris, Kingpin,] Jack Noseworthy [U-571, The Brady Bunch Movie,] and uber-character actor, Clint Howard [Rock-n-Roll High School, Apollo 13] as well as others. You can kill time waiting for anything to happen by trying to recall their names and other movie roles.

For those of you who don’t like cinematic silicone, there are a couple decent action scenes featuring the new-to–America (at that time) Triumph motorcycles. While MMM welcomes any and all motorcycle scenes, they are not enough to save this movie.

You are certainly free to defend Barb Wire as entertainment. However, if that is the case, you may have larger issues to address, such as getting your first apartment.

M.M.M.

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