by Pat Hahn
Leave it to a Minnesotan to come up with a fashion statement made from polyester and plastic. Moonhouse Enterprises of South Minneapolis has found a new way to solve an old problem—what do you do when there’s no solid ground to hold your bike up?
You know what I mean. After a long, skillful ride you pull into the hippest watering hole or remotest rally campground you can imagine. Expensive cruisers, barka loungers, STs and sport bikes of all types teeter precariously on crushed soda cans or sink steadily into hot blacktop.
But the animal lover/hater in you has a plan to make this scene in style. Convey your contempt for nature, or your love of animals, and your zest for practical recycling in one fell swoop. Enter the Kickstand Kritter. It’s your general heavy-duty plastic sidestand puck sewn into the body of a fake dead squirrel. Or frog. Throw it on the ground, set your kickstand on it, and your bike stays safely upright on even the softest surface.
But there’s more––this thing is a total multi-tool. In addition to its practical application as a scooter-keeper-upper, it also serves as colorful moto-bling, a drink coaster for those humid summer rallies, a talisman to ward off evil spirits, and a scarecrow.
I can’t look at this thing squashed beneath a sidestand without thinking of a scene from Caddyshack. Remember Bill Murray fashioning a bunny and a squirrel out of plastic explosive? “Nothing to worry about here, just your old pal, Mister Rabbit. Oh, don’t worry about that. Doctor’s orders.” Just think of the fear you can strike into the heart of your local juvenile-delinquent rodent population with one of THESE babies. Park your bike on your Kritter and convey the message that You Will Not Suffer Any More Disrespecting Squirrel Nonsense. They’ll shudder like the gopher in the movie. And you’ll actually be able to enjoy spending money on birdseed again. Best of all, the Kickstand Kritter makes a personal statement.
Maybe you’re an animal lover who despises PETA, or you’re a PETA member who secretly detests animals. Either way, this is just the thing to show how much you really care about the little creatures.
Just in time for Christmas, Squirrel and Frog will be available by December 1 at www.kickstandkritters.com. The Voodood and Poodle will be available in early February and at the 2010 International Motorcycle Show in Minneapolis. Early orders can be placed through firstname.lastname@example.org. Price is $20 each plus postage. Specs: 100% polyester fabric, polyethylene plastic pellets in the arms and legs, 4-inch ABS plastic disk inside. Torsos are 8 inches, maybe 10 with appendages. Machine washable (!) and air-dryable. Designed in Minnesota and manufactured in China.